Surrendering Questions

I am not too sure why I am blogging this but it will be short and sweet. I have the slight suspicion that what I am about to blog about, many other women have struggled through. I would like to say that I have all the answers and I have never had questions or failing faith but that would be a lie.

At the threshold of this year I felt God was telling me that this year is the year to surrender my questions. I was basically like “God how is that possible when there is no one and nowhere to ask my questions” … no answer…so subsequently here is my question for Pappa today

  Father if I am the bride, and you are the groom, and the love between us is true, why do I find it so hard to talk to you? What woman doesn't speak to her husband on the eve of their wedding?

A Power Struggle Creating Struggle

I am suppose to be in music class learning cadences and harmonization ( which I did in grade when I was 15/16) however I completely forget how to do them. So I decided to come to the library where pretty much all the good social networking sites are blocked.. BUT MY BLOG ISN'T YAY. So what to blog about?

The Power Struggle I recently listened to one of my favourite teachers talk about the power struggle within the teachers in the school ( this was no surprise to me) but I was happy one teacher was finally admitting to it. This teacher who we will call Marcy for our purpose basically said this:

1. Our department head kisses royal ..... donkey
2. Our department head is selfish
3. When our department head found out there was a power position open she JUMPED ON IT
4. She is selfish
5. Has not shown care for her students
6. Picks favourites and hurts students

And that was just to name a few
This certain power hungry teacher she was talking about made my mark drop over 20 % within a year so I agree she ....... sucks.. that's being nice.
Now to tie this into reality.
I just asked the two people sitting beside me in the lab, when has a power struggle in history ever gained success. Their answer was: "no clue.............................never"
Exactly if random teenagers get the point, why don't the important people get it.
Hitler and Stalin : an epic fail of a power struggle
Ironically this teacher has been dubbed Hitler's re incarnation female style ( I don't believe in re- incarnation btw)
What Can Be Done
I've often wondered what can be done about the justice failure withing the walls of my school. Teachers try to be the justice police and they get shut up by the board or the principal. Teachers speak up and they get punished. So what do we do. Honestly I have just been counting the days until I get to get out of here. But what will that do...
A whole load of nothing

So on a good day I will pray for the people that are destroying my school , pray for the Holy spirit to encounter their lives etc

But I realized what I need to do is be a good influence and a help to the people who have been hurt by this power struggle. I can be a peer mentor or a tutor for the students who can't learn because their teacher is barely teaching. I can give a friendly smile to a student who has been put down by a teacher or excluded.
I think it all goes back to one thing I can be the hands and feet of Christ. I can be like Christ, not preach, but be present, not scorn, but help the torn. I can be there :)

... PS... not all teachers suck I have met some teachers who have positively shaped me into who I am today
... I feel like this blog was kind of thrown together... whoops

True Heart True Emotion True Feelings

As I was procrastinating doing my homework, I was surfing facebook. Today I was told that a girl that is younger than I had her baby. When I hear about teens having babies, my heart hurts a little bit inside. Any ways while on facebook I saw a picture of this new mom and her truly beautiful daughter. My heart sunk instantly. I am not to sure what the emotion I felt was but I felt it true and deeply. After I pondered the photo I saw the true love that the young mom who is still a baby herself felt. Within the look in her eyes and the way her lips caressed her babies head, I saw true love and my heart broke even more. I thought WHY , why is it that this is when she feels true love. I know a bit of her family situation (which is not good) and I just wish her father and mother would have been able to show her that love. And above and more importantly than the love her mother and father neglected to show her. I WISH the church would have guided her in a path to find  TRUE  love. The father's love that never EVER EVER EVER  ends and can and could and never will be beat.

            As I write this my heart screams to Daddy God, it cries out and I pray that I will NEVER lose touch with the love of Abba. I also felt convicted when I saw that photo, I was not always the nicest person to her, (however I was not as terrible as the rest) I hang out in the drama room often, where many of the so called “Christians” were even worse to her. Aren’t we as Christians suppose to be the hands and feet of God? Would God ever say anything insulting, would he reject someone, exclude someone… NO…he wouldn’t.

            So this is where I think us as Christians and the church has failed. 1 John 4:8 and 1 John 4:16 both say the same thing explicitly. God is love. Can it be any more obvious? Can God make it any more obvious? I don’t think so. We as Christians should show love, even to the ones that are hard to love, if you’d ask me I don’t think it would be the easiest thing to love the people with flesh eating contagious diseases, but Jesus loved the lepers. Why because he is love and we, being created in his image should also be love. So as I see this picture, I have regret and I feel like I take a large part of the blame. My mind is now opened to so many other situations where people have had a lack of love while growing up. My best friend (who knows I’m writing this) grew up in a situation where love was lacking. Her mother passed away when she was very young, due to drug overdose, and her father is…interesting to say the least and could not provide the love, care, or necessities to raise three children.  My best friend was put into foster care and trust me that system is far from perfect. Abuse of the sexual, physical, emotional and verbal type is not uncommon. My best friend who we will call Lisa for blogging purposes was shifted from home to home, and never did her and her two siblings live together.

            Lisa is now a self professed atheist. I have shown her Christ like love and I have prayed for her and I still do. But where was the church during her decade and more in foster care. Why when she was 5 and when her mind could still have been changed was love never shown? Where were the Christians in her school, social programs and the rest of the world to show her love?
I know I have way too many questions and I have high hopes for the church. However I will never stop showing my best friend love, and I will not give up until her heart is open to the glory, love, redemption and AMAZINGNESS of my Daddy, the Daddy who will never leave or come up short, or go to jail, or lie or stop loving or give up, or fail ( this could go one forever).

MY GOD IS WAKING HEARTS TO LIFE AS WE SPEAK

1st blog EVER

We need to not focus on what God "didn't" do in 2010 and what he DID do because evidently we are all still here and alive so God has definitely done good. And we ... and I need to focus on what God is going to do in 2011. Because He is a  GOOOOOOOOD  God and he has big plans and this year WILL be good.
           
             God revealed a verse to me that is found in Psalms 46: Be still and know I am God :) To me that means in CRAZINESSS be still for a small moment and don't get stressed and instead, realize HE IS GOD. So when school is crazy and exams are looming, don’t give up or be negative or freak out. I need to be still and know HE IS GOD. In the moments of pure stillness and silence when I feel the world could be crashing in on me he is also God.  The stillness is nothing to fear because he is GOD

And now here my randomness comes through:

God’s love NEVER  fails, or gives up, or runs out on me

If God be for me WHO can be against me

It is a BEAUTIFUL thing to fall into the hands of the living God

If a three year old can see God so can I!

Light is EVERYWHERE so darkness is irrelevant

 And I would just like to say life is so much better when you are in Love with Abba .. and that is my dream to be forever in love with him J