Today my motive to blog is not good that is not for sure, it is not Godly and it is not to be inspiring
Today my blogging is for me! I know terrible
So today I received very disappointing news. I auditioned for a team at the university I will be going to called Youth Quest. It would be like my dream come true. I would have been away the majority of weekends ministering to youth with the team. I would be part of the improve team. I would be using acting, improve my “talents” that I actually enjoy using for God and his kingdom.
But today I got a “we regret to inform you email”
GOD I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THAT
Note I did not just use the Lord’s name in vain. I meant what I said
Seriously I did not want to see that. I was banking on getting accepted to that program, it came with a scholarship whatever it was I don’t care because money doesn’t matter to me. I was banking on it because I would be involved in a program that I WANT to be in, not a program to look good on a resume or application, not a program to please my parents. I WANTED to do it, I have so much passion for drama and for youth and my Father’s kingdom it was perfect. Until I didn’t get accepted, honeslty I want to know what I did wrong, how did I mess up, why wasn’t I good enough
This past year has been FULL of letdowns like this
I spent 6 years building and participating in a program called Army Cadets and this was my year to take over the program but GUESS WHAT I didn’t get the position. Why? I'm not sure, the under qualified guy who I trained up got it! Recently I auditioned for a play, and not to my surprise I got a not so major role, however I could deal with that I didn’t put 6 years into that. I feel like I have been really trying and every time I try or want something I don’t get it. And it’s not like I want an iPod or a new phone or some toy, I want things in life, I want to help grow the Father’s kingdom, I want to be a leader. Why does at every chance I have it fails. I HAVE A FIRE DOWN IN MY SOUL THAT I CAN’T CONTAIN, I HAVE PASSION THAT IS WASTING AWAY. I WANT MORE OF MY FATHER but every time it fails. I don’t want to be stuck in a program at university that doesn’t flame my passion, I don’t want to be stuck In a negative atmosphere, or terrible programs, like I did in highschool I want to be able to express my passion, I want be able to make a difference I want to stop FAILING I want to be accepted into a program for once and get what I have worked for
Is that too much to ask?
Is that too much to ask?
